The Eyes Have It. This Wisconsin Home Is Certified Creepy

When the Gusman and I moved to Dallas in 1995, we lived in a duplex behind the Lovers Lane Antique Market. Behind their building was a massive statue of Daniel Boone that was for sale. Because of the fence that separated our street from their property, we could only see Daniel Boone from the shoulders up. This statue was so tall that whenever we looked out of our bedroom windows, there was Daniel, complete with coon skin cap, staring right back at us. It was creepy as hell, but the rent was really cheap, so there was a trade-off.

Fast forward two years. The Gusman and I are getting ready for bed when we see this orange hue outside our blinds. Looking out the windows we could see that not only was the Antique Market on fire but so was Daniel Boone. He went up like a Roman candle. He stood there with the same dead eyes he always had as the flames got larger and closer to his face. The neighbors who were standing on our porch to watch the show kept murmuring, “El Diablo, El Diablo en fuego.”

The building and Daniel Boone were a total loss. The property got cleared, but they left behind Daniel Boone’s metal frame. Even though there was no longer a face, we could still feel his eyes staring at us. Creepy, creepy, creepy.

It only seems appropriate that on the 30-year anniversary of the burning of El Diablo that I find a house where Daniel Boone could have lived out his peeping Tom life in peace. All I have to say is brace.

“H! Welcome to Creepy Manor! Make yourself at home.” For those of you who did not brace before let me say now, BRACE!

Look, I’m a big fan of Frankenstein. Huuuuggggeee fan. But I don’t want ‘ol zipperneck greeting me at the front door every time I come home. I would piddle like a nervous dog with a sketchy bladder each and every time. My word.

Just so you know, this is simply not a one off. It gets so much worse.

There are eyes on you regardless of where you are in this house.

Now before you think you’re getting a reprieve from all the statues, hold on to your butts.

Baby man in the recliner is beyond words.

 Trust me when I say, you will not be getting a good night’s rest.

Squatty men aside, there are two sarcophaguses. It could also be sarcophagi because I know there are some of you who would absolutely have to say something about the plural of the word sarcophagus without actually acknowledging that there are not one, but two, Egyptian caskets and the photo of some huge-faced baby in this bedroom. Let me apologize. I was a little abrupt. This is what happens after being under constant surveillance.

Do you want to see the picture that broke Mimi?

And just like that, Mimi taps out. Let’s leave out the back door.

Located in Appleton, Wisconsin the home is listed for $349,900.