Sooner or Later Despair Leads to a Bad House Design (HOOK’EM HORNS!!!)
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Oh Oklahoma, it is time we had a talk. How are you? You did not seem well as you were driving home Saturday evening. I know it was hard to take the spanking UT handed you this past weekend. HOOK’EM HORNS!!!
Even at the high rate of speed at which you were driving I could see the look of determination in your eyes through the stray tears that made their way down your cheeks.
My hope is that the Okie fans get a hold of themselves before, I don’t know, designing homes in the wake of this most recent loss. Yeah, that would be a good idea. There is a theory that these dedicated fans take the loss so hard that they convince themselves that there is nothing they can not do, including designing homes. This results in only more despair.
Case in point is the home featured in this week’s column. It was built during the middle of a four-year UT winning streak of the Red River Rivalry. HOOK’EM HORNS!!!
It is totally believable that this 4,200-square-foot home was designed through the tears of an Oklahoma fan driving 120 mph on North Central Expressway in the wake of a loss. You can feel tears welling up now just looking at it, I’m sure. HOOK’EM HORNS!!!
Located in Ponca City, Oklahoma, the home has four bedrooms and four bathrooms. No, the photo is not crooked. This is the house. Only a living room like this can be designed by someone whose team is in the middle of a losing streak.
A window of what looks to be candy corn. The loser of all Halloween candy. HOOK’EM HORNS!!!
Ah, the kitchen. The cave-like area where you go to contemplate what comfort food will get you through the next couple of days until the sting of the loss eases. HOOK’EM HORNS!!!
But when it is the pain that gives you inspiration, you have no choice but to go with this type of wallpaper. One could say the wallpaper was their outward expression of the pain they felt when they lost yet again to UT. HOOK’EM HORNS!!!
And with that, I will bring this column to an end. How many more times can I say HOOK’EM HORNS!!!
One more time. Just one.
View more photos of Ponca City’s most iconic home.
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I’m surprised you didn’t call out the Hall of Doom. It’s like it was designed for jump scares. Did they limit you on space for this article?
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Sometimes I like the readers to have their own “WTF” moment when they scroll through the pictures. Thank you for the read. Have a great Thursday.
Have you seen the home in Ponca City called the Marlan Mansion? A former Gov’s home and where a young Charles Dilbeck was involved. You can see his stamp on it. It may be the most iconic house in Ponca City!
Madame Perez,
It’s been a while since I’ve last written to you. Suffice to say, my life has been quite empty without your quality articles on low quality homes. But upon reading this piece of pure and perfect prose, I’ve remembered what it was that drew me to your writing in the first place. Your sentences flow like eggnog at Chris Pratt’s family Christmas celebration. Your diction is verbose and brilliant, with each word perfectly placed in its position within the work. But what truly shines brightest about your writing is that you write not for your own gain, but to warn the world of unshapely and distasteful homes. You provide a quality service to society, and for that, I am in your debt.
Your faithful fan,
Reginald Smacklebottom