Fairy Tale or Fever Dream? This ‘Ultra-Moody’ Missouri Home Delivers Both

“Welcome to the most whimsical, dreamy and ultra-moody home near Hannibal’s Historic Downtown District!” That is the first line of the description of this week’s featured home. I have seen Realtors use the words whimsical and dreamy to describe a home, but ultra-moody? That’s a first.

Ultra-moody makes the house sound like a mean teenager who is going to drink all your liquor, burn cigarette holes into your couch, and crash your car. Not that I did any of that when I was teenager, it’s just what I’ve heard ultra-moody teens do.

Okay, I laughed out loud at this because my old man, the Gusman, was an Eagle Scout and on the few occasions when he does get angry, this is exactly what he looks like. Trust me, it is funny. The house this week is absolutely not like this.

Perhaps it’s because I’m already tainted, but I look at this house, and I think “Yeah, that’s an ultra-moody house without a doubt. Just look at it sitting there, all purple.”

The description says you will feel “like you stepped right into a fairy tale.” If that fairy tale is one where you see the reflection of a ghost or a mean spirit staring right back at you. With all those mirrors, at least two or three are possessed. It’s the law of averages. Look it up.

Wow. No one pay attention to the future guest at the end of the table who will be absorbed into the drapery only to never be seen again.

Ultra-moody has officially made its entrance if there was any previous doubt.

“If you come at the right time and look closely, you might even get to hear the grandfather clock that has been converted to growl on the hour.” Un momento por favor. A grandfather clock that growls? Yes please. I have looked at all these photos and have not come across this grandfather clock. Only an ultra-moody house would tease a growling grandfather clock and then not deliver.

What up with the street lamp in the kitchen? Are we having the white witch over to trade recipes? And before anyone brings up the wood grain cabinets not matching the rest of the kitchen, look, we have a growling clock and a street lamp in the kitchen. We don’t have time for such trifles.

The living room is fabulous, but I can smell that couch from here.

The house has three bedrooms, one of which you enter through a hidden wardrobe. Let me tell you, the disappointment is real because I saw no wardrobe. But is the reason that I didn’t see the wardrobe because it was hidden, hence how would I ever get into that room?

So let’s recap this house. There’s a growling clock that we can’t see; there’s a hidden wardrobe that you have to go through to get into the room, but we didn’t get to see it; and, there’s a street lamp in the kitchen, and the white witch may or may not show up at any time.

Let’s hope not because I’ve heard she’s really, really ultra-moody.

This three-bedroom home which is located near Hannibal’s Historic Downtown District in Missouri is listed for $150,000.