Moving With Children: Dallas Family Therapist Offers Tips on Making Relocation Less Stressful For Kids

A home is the backdrop to our daily lives. It’s the place where memories are made. It’s the landscape of our closest relationships. And when that changes, it can upend the life of a child.

As the spring selling season heats up, more and more families will be moving from place to place, putting stress on children and families.

“Research shows that moving to a new home is one of the most stressful life events,” says child and family therapist Dr. Ahou Line of Thread Counseling. It’s as stressful (if not more so) than a divorce or a stressful job, she said, and can upend an otherwise healthy family dynamic.

Parents often find themselves at their limit between house hunting, listing a home, packing, and then finally moving, Line said. “The last thing you’re thinking is ‘How is this affecting my child?'”

Giving Kids Control

When it comes to the actual move, there are several ways you can help your child manage the stress of it all.

“The more you involve your kids in the process, you give control back to them in small ways,” Line said. That can be anything from asking a child to pack a suitcase full of treasures they want to make sure arrive at the new house to letting your child pick the paint color in their room.

Additionally, it’s best to avoid coupling a move with another big developmental milestone. Don’t take the pacifier away just yet, and consider timing your move to avoid disrupting the school year.

Name it to Tame it

The reason for a move can also be upsetting for kids and families. Again, being honest about the situation in an age-appropriate way can help calm anxieties and head off conflict.

“We tend to protect kids,” Line said. “However, kids’ imaginations run wild. If you don’t tell them yourself, they’ll fill in the gaps with tons of different scenarios.”

Instead, Line suggests the “name it to tame it” strategy. When a child has a strong emotion, label the emotion and allow them to acknowledge their feelings. According to mindfulness.com, this works by first identifying the emotion (“naming”), which will help reduce stress and anxiety (“taming”) in the brain and the body that that emotion is causing.

However, be prepared for some curveballs.

“The way your kids react to an emotion may not be what you expect,” Line said. When an older child is going through difficult emotions, it’s best to bring it up when you’re doing something that you don’t have to look at your child straight-on, such as driving or watching TV, she said.

Parents Are Humans, Too

One of the biggest and most impactful things parents can do is validate their child’s feelings.

“It’s OK to acknowledge that moving is stressful,” she said. “We don’t want to say things like ‘I moved around a lot as a kid’ because it’s so invalidating.”

Though tempers may flare and regrettable arguments may happen during the process of a move, that’s not the end of the world — or your relationship with your child — Line assures.

“One of the things I tell parents is to just be honest,” she said. “How wonderful is it for kids to see their parents make mistakes and then be honest and model healthy behavior?”

Are you moving or do you have clients with children who are making a move? Download this exclusive PDF to help them prepare their family for their next home.