Giddy-Up, Folks: Here’s House Porn That Will Yabba-Dabba-Do You Wrong

I am getting straight to the point this week. If the characters from The Flintstones and Bonanza filmed a porn movie together it would be at the home featured in this week’s column.

There you go. I have said it and it is out there now. I know what you are thinking, “Mimi, why do you keep writing about these homes decorated like porn movie sets?” The answer to the question is because they “tasks me. They tasks me” and I have to write about them. Khan from Star Trek, the Wrath of Khan. I digress.

The more accurate question is why do people decorate their homes like porn movie sets, especially one where the Flintstones and the Cartwrights would fit right in? How else do you explain not one but two sofa/bed type pieces of furniture covered in some lush purple fabric in the living room? They look like they were shipped straight from a bordello in Virginia City. 

Then there is the inordinate amount of animal pelts strewn everywhere and combined with decor that can only be described as the hip bone of a ginormous mastodon and other prehistoric animals.

Okay, enough talking. 

If the Flintstones and the Cartwrights filmed an anachronistic porn movie together they would be doing so at 1628 14th Street, Apt .3A, Denver, Colorado. This apartment has two bedrooms and two bathrooms and is just over 2,300 square feet. The asking price is $1.825 million.

There is only one reason you hang a swing like that in your living room. Only one.

Couch/bed number one.

Couch/bed number two.

Let me tell you, I am using the term “couch” in the most liberal manner. Those are not couches you sit on to have a conversation. Those are not couches upon which you have conversations where you talk about your day. 

Even Little Joe Cartwright would agree.

Oh wait, that’s not Little Joe. That’s actor Joe Manganiello. Betty, Wilma, and I all think he looks really nice. I think we would all be willing to try to carry on a conversation with him on one of those couches. Right ladies?

Seems like Wilma and Betty have a case of the vapors. Mercy. Where was I? 

The hip bone of the mastodon.

More prehistoric animal bones for “hidden appliances.” Just what everyone wants in a kitchen, hidden appliances except for the purple oven.

Let us see what Hoss thinks of the bathroom?

Yeah, big guy, I would be running away from that bathroom too.

And just like that, my task for this week is done.

To see more photos, click here.