Gargoyles Are Great For Staging a Scare

Funny story. As I was going through the listing for this week’s column I was reminded of the imagery in the movie Carrie which is pretty intense. I am talking about the original movie with Sissy Spacek. Anyway, when I was done looking at the listing I took my dog out one last time before going to bed.

As we were walking, I was thinking of my gal pal Karen Eubank who specializes in staging, and how this listing could really use her help.

I happened to look up and saw a big, hairy, figure walking toward me. I do what any rational person does in such a situation, I let out a blood-curdling scream and jump a mile high. My dog started barking and the figure jumped back. When I focus on the figure, I realize it is my neighbor who does the really cool Christmas decorations in our neighborhood every year. He is a great guy and lots of fun. We talked about what he plans to do for this year.

I tell you this story because that is how much those pictures got into my head.

Let us begin with the gargoyle perched atop of the steps to welcome your guests. There is a second gargoyle on the opposite side of the front porch. We are at two gargoyles and we have not entered the house yet.

The front porch is sensational but the gargoyles, cherub, and cross are just the tip of the iceberg.

This home, located at 3800 Genessee Street, Kansas City, Missouri is a four-bedroom, three-bath house and has just over 3,000 square feet. The home is listed for $599,950.

I know there is a lot to take in, but I need you to focus on the bust of Jesus in the upper right-hand corner. That is the same expression Jesus had at the end of Carrie when the house got totaled. With that bust overlooking the living room, you better watch your language.

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Notice that I am not even mentioning the front of the car over the fireplace or the statue of jackals on the coffee table. And no, I am not sure those are jackals but when you are freaked out by the Jesus bust, you see jackals!

Let us move along, shall we?

There is no way this bar area is not possessed. You know how I know? The lights are super bright and the floating dog head with the devil teeth are pretty strong clues. You make the mistake of sitting in one of those chairs and you will feel a cold breeze.

You know who else had a cross like that in the kitchen? Carrie White. Those knives on the left side of the wall are going to go flying at some point.

Check out the gargoyle on top of the china cabinet. When the Native American statue comes to life, he should run away as fast as possible. He just needs to be careful not to get poked by the antler chandelier on his way out. 

This room is just so creepy. They actually went through the work to taxidermy some small animal and then stick it in the trap and then hang that trap from the ceiling. Between all the dead animals, the crosses, the gargoyles, someone please explain to me why there would be an outboard motor in the corner. Have I mentioned that staging matters?

The backyard is perfect for hosting all the phantasms that will appear on Halloween night. The only thing missing is the fire pit in the middle.

Okay folks, I am thoroughly freaked out again and need to go walk my dog. Keep a good thought for any neighbors I should happen to see out there.

To see more photos of this listing click here.