How Crazy Is the Market? ‘Slice of Hell’ Gets 16 Cash Offers

Listen, we all know the market is crazy hot. But did you know that it’s crazy hot enough for one Colorado Springs home the Realtor called a “little slice of hell” to get 16 written cash offers within a day of it being listed?

Because, yeah.

A Colorado-based friend of the Wednesday WTF slid this listing over to me about a week or so ago, and when I set to Googling, I found a whole story about the hell house.

“Why is it a hell house? It looks kinda normal,” you may be asking.

It’s like you don’t even know me.

First, the home has not been well-maintained, you might say. A nightmare tenant festooned the walls and carpets with charming phrases like, “suck my *ss,” and other assorted vulgarities.

They also may have left a little poop behind in some drawers.

HuffPost reports that Realtor Mimi Foster said the home had a bit of a backstory. “No one knows what happened to the original lessee, but it’s believed that she died and then a relative moved in,” Foster said in a video walkthrough of the home. “And it’s the relative who moved in who did all of this damage after she’d been evicted.”

The rogue relative finally moved out (but not before taking a few appliances and doing some uh, decorating). Cruelly, she also left two of her reportedly numerous cats behind in a bathroom, where they were left for quite some time.

The Realtor’s listing was brutally honest.

“This formerly majestic 5 bed/4 bath/3 car garage home was once the seller’s pride and joy. Now it’s every landlord’s nightmare and needs someone with firm resolve to appreciate its potential. If you dream of owning your own little slice of hell and turning it into a piece of heaven, then look no further! This house is not for the faint of heart but for that special person who can see through the rough diamond to the polished gem inside. As you enter, there are soaring ceilings and an open floor plan with a second-floor overlook. You will also notice there is not one surface of the home that has not been enhanced with black spray paint or a swinging hammer — damage done by an angry departing tenant who didn’t want to pay rent. But don’t let that slow you down. It’s not nearly as daunting as the freezer in the basement that’s full of meat and hasn’t had electricity to it for over a year. So be sure to wear your mask. Not for anyone else’s protection but your own. You may not be able to endure the smell if you don’t. The floorplan is wonderful and open. The main floor has a living room, dining room, kitchen with dining area, family room with fireplace, laundry, and main floor bedroom and bath. There is a walk-out to a back deck – but don’t go out there as the deck is not necessarily attached to the house in the manner you might hope. The upstairs has a catwalk, large master with soaking tub and dual sinks, plus two additional bedrooms and bath — all covered in black spray paint, vulgarities, and other substances which are no longer identifiable. The basement is amazing — or at least it will be once all the debris is cleared out, the floor coverings are replaced, and the obscenities are painted over. The home has AC and a radon mitigation system and sits on a large lot. Oh, and did I mention it’s in the pink of a geological landslide area? Come feast your senses. DO NOT GO ON BACK DECK. DO NOT OPEN FREEZER IN BASEMENT.”

Foster said that she got “16 written cash offers in the first 24 hours of the house being on the market.”

“I list vacant houses all the time. I have not seen this kind of hysteria, even in this market,” she said. “I’ve gotten about 89 text messages since we’ve gotten to the house this afternoon.

And that interest (Foster said none of the offers asked for any kind of concessions) must have continued to be pretty great because the home is now off the market.

Foster also produced a video tour, just in case you’d like to be put off your feed.

Want to see more? Here’s the HuffPost story and the listing.