The Missouri Victorian You Need to Lock Down

First of all, thanks to all 782.5 of you who emailed me this Missouri Victorian that has been tastefully (mostly) redone.

You did well. You sent me weirdness, and the best kind of weirdness — the kind that lies in wait until you’re about 30 pictures in, and then slowly reveals itself until you’re 10 photos deep into the weird, and you’ve completely forgotten about the rest of the house.

But I should also say that the first indicator of weirdness for this listing in Fayette, Missouri, isn’t what you find as you flip through the pictures.

It’s the fact that the Victorian has 2,465 square feet but only two bedrooms and one-and-a-half bathrooms.

That’s right, the math was weird before the photos were weird on this one.

So let’s jump in to this with a healthy dose of WTF, shall we?

Now, for starters, this home is lovely. Seriously lovely. They’ve done a great job with gentle updates on the living quarters for this 1875 Victorian.

Gorgeous floors. Beautiful ceilings.

Lovingly-maintained fireplaces.

Lovely touches like what appears to be original hardware on the pocket doors.

A claw foot bathtub in the spacious bathroom.

A spacious kitchen.

Large bonus space in the attic.

And a well … let’s just keep scrolling …

“Pffffffffft,” you say. “Perfectly normal looking second kitchen.” Why don’t we slide our eyes over to that big steel door, and see what’s behind it?

The listing write-up explains, which is good because uh, there definitely needs to be an explanation for Missouri Baby Alcatraz.

“WAIT until you get to picture #30!! 1875 Howard County Sheriff’s House and Jail. Extremely unique opportunity!! Extensive renovation in 2005 (supposedly $1.5 million) captures modern high end finishes with traditional architecture and character. This home is 2465 sq ft with three levels of living area, 2 bedroom. 1.5 bath, high end finish throughout, appears to have been totally rewired, replumbed and new HVAC zoned system installed. AND THE BEST PART, connected to the home is a 2500 sq ft legitimate jail with 9 cells, booking room and 1/2 bath. There is a full basement under the home with lighting throughout. Possibilities are amazing with this property.”

So, for less than $400K, you could own a piece of history and the ultimate argument stopper at any Thanksgiving dinner you host. That may mean that this Missouri abode pays for itself in one big family dinner.

Want to see more of the house? Click here. Wish you could read more Wednesday WTF? Here you go.