We Have So Many Questions About This U.K. Home

Every so often, you come across a listing in this gig that just leaves you with so many questions that you end up texting everyone you know late at night to make them look at the listing, too.

This U.K. listing that came across our virtual desk (because our actual desk is a TV tray across our lap right now) that left us well, itchy and confused.

I’m not used to feeling that unless I’ve been dating.

Let’s start with the beginning of the description of this four bedroom home near Blackpool in the U.K.

“In short this is one of the most deceptive properties from the front facade that we have ever seen. Do not be fooled by the front elevation, this houses (sic) room proportions are truly stunning.”

Um. ORLY? Because this is one case where the outside absolutely tells the story of the inside ably.

I mean, the outside:

And the inside:

Oh, I’m not even done. It’s not going to get better over here in the U.K., but it’s better if you are really into it being worse.

“Internally this property is effectively spilt over 3 floors; a ground floor with spilt level upper ground floor and a lower ground floor. If truth beyond, this property reminds us of something from a film set!”

I mean … I will give them this: It does look like something was spilt.

Even the giraffe wants out of this situation.

I have questions about this room. Is it a breakfast bar with a bed? A bedroom with a breakfast bar? Is it a bedroom for four? If you burn that carpet will it immediately disintegrate or form a large hunk of melted plastic and shame?

But most of my questions are reserved for the kitchen, where we see the debut of the Culinary Recliner.

Tired in the middle of making the bacon? Culinary Recliner.

To beat to boil the potatoes? Culinary Recliner.

I mean, I didn’t realize you could rest to this extent whilst cooking, but you know, maybe the Culinary Recliner is something I didn’t know I needed in my life.

Still workshopping that name, too. Maybe it’s the Sous Lean? Mise en place? Please feel free to contribute in the comments.

At any rate, if you like waking up confused and frightened on a daily basis … oh, wait. Anyway, if COVID-19 hasn’t cured you of that desire, and you have about $750,000, this is the house for you.

Want to see more of the listing? Click here. Want to read more Wednesday WTF? Here ya go.