D is for Dallas, T is For ‘This Will Not Work’
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There has been a lot of completely weird things about living in a pandemic Dallas. People buying up all the toilet paper for no good reason. The fact that my neighbor has taken this “we’re not going anywhere so pants are optional” thing a little too far. The fact that it takes a psychic and a limber refresh finger to schedule a grocery delivery.
But just when you get used to weird being the new normal, someone does something that is just plain so illogical that they become fodder for the Wednesday WTF.
And so, today we’re going to talk about the City of Dallas’ plan for alleviating crowds at the Katy Trail while we’re all supposed to be six feet apart from each other at least, and some of you have no idea how big six feet is.
So first, let me explain: Six feet is how deep they put your coffin in the ground when you don’t stay at least six feet apart from everyone during a pandemic.
So picture a graveside service, picture the hole and how deep it is, and then stay that far away from everyone.
You know what is all the way away from everyone? Your own house, and your own neighborhood. If you don’t live along the Katy Trail, walk your own dang neighborhood. Walk the Northaven Trail, which is long, strong, and down to get the fric… sorry, different discussion.
Now, while the city has been reluctant to close off access to the trail completely because they know the murder rate will go high if people can’t get outside and not near whoever they’re living with, they apparently have been attacking the old hat racks on their necks for a solution, since, again, people apparently haven’t read that one story with the graphic about how much sweat you’re flinging when you run.
And well, this is what they came up with. You ready? Please sit down because it’s really dumb and you might get lightheaded and now is not the time to need an ER.
Basically, it’s a Katy Trail Sweet Sweat Free For All Monday through Wednesday. On Thursdays and Saturdays, you can use the trail if your last name starts with A through L. If you’re an M-Z, you can use the trail on Fridays and Sundays.
This dumb burns and there’s no aloe to be had because there’s no hand sanitizer so everyone bought up all the ding danged aloe to make their own.
See, for one, how do they know this will evenly distribute the usage on the trail? They don’t. In fact, the Wall Street Journal did a study of voters that indicates that on a national basis, 64% of all voters have an A through M name.
But this also brings up a whole slew of other issues. One, enforcement —who’s carding these not-math majors? When 200 people are in one chunk of the trail, are park rangers going to stop all these sweat-flingers and say, “Oh, excuse me, I’m going to need you to prove your last name starts with an A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, or M?”
And what about the fact that it forgets that not everyone in a home has the same last name? Maybe I, a D, didn’t take my husband’s name, an O. Maybe I’m living in sin with my Z girlfriend. Maybe I’m a Q guy and I want to take a walk with my G stepson.
I mean, sure, in all those scenarios you could just join the general fluid dispersing Dallas crowds Monday through Wednesday, but what if it’s the freakin’ weekend? What if I want to avoid the aerosol emissions of hundreds of trail users and am lucky enough to have an N-Z name, but the rest of the people I live with have A-Ms, and I hate to run alone?
I’m no genius (even on a good day), but maybe the answer isn’t just posting up a list of great trails and parks, but actually telling people, “If you live here, go to this trail, it’s not used as much, and you’re going to be safer. Leave Katy Trail (for now) for the people who live around it.”
Same with White Rock Lake.
In conclusion, if you live in a neighborhood and need to get your run/walk/bike/rollerblade on in Dallas, do it there. Thanks to all this social distancing, the residential streets are actually pretty safe to jog on. If you don’t live in a neighborhood with enough residential streets for a good run, consider a less crowded trail. Bachman Lake has a great one. There’s the aforementioned Northaven Trail. There are also amazing historic districts where you could easily find a place to park and take a gorgeous stroll or run.
You don’t gotta go to the Katy Trail, chickens, so don’t.
Want to read more WTFery? Click here.
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Adlene,
Thank you for writing this! I completely agree. Loved the borrowed illustrative additions used to push the point home.
Well done!
Becky Rader
Well done! Love the cartoon expressions too
Well put! Dallas,Tx is so well deserving of an F. Stay at home people, means stay at home not going across the street with your kids in tow and congregate on the front porch laughing and talking. I Really think most people in Dallas are not taking this virus serious enough. GOD BLESS US ALL
Our Ricks Circle neighborhood is also becoming the off-Northaven Trail choice for foot traffic. And dog poop. Shall we gate and card everybody?
Welcome to East Germany!
“Welcome to East Germany!” implies that the Katy Trail rule is overly harsh and our liberties are being encroached upon by the government.
The author’s opinion is exactly the opposite. Her point is the city must crack down on overuse of the trail but came up with a weak solution that is unenforceable and toothless.
I agree this is a stupid plan with a capital S. I also think it goes to show Dallas needs more places for outdoor recreation and should have closed a bunch of streets already so we can use those. I do disagree with telling people to stay in their own neighborhoods. Many don’t have trails and the trails were paid for by everybody.
spot on – i stated as much on a post from Calvert Collins Bratton and she was quite offended. But I stand by my assessment and criticism that the plan is ill conceived and doomed to failure.
Sounds like the city came up with a reasonable solution that should have a positive impact.
1. A-M surnames represent 64% of voters, as your link indicates, but Dallas went with A-L, which represent 54%. A-K would have been better at 49% but it’s not that big of a difference.
2. Of course the rule is unenforceable, but that doesn’t make it useless. Most people are honest and will follow the rule and it will likely have the intended effect.
3. As for different last names in the same household, honest people will work this out and curtail their usage of the trail.
I still don’t understand why Mayor Johnson is stubbornly resisting the idea of repurposing some lanes on currently low-traffic streets for bikes/pedestrians and making some residential streets local traffic only where pedestrians have the right of way.
These are common sense, easy to implement solutions that other world class cities have already implemented.
Why not Dallas?
they wanted to re-purpose lanes of traffic, but community members revolted against that idea. No matter what some folks do, people will split hairs and make it a big deal. Perhaps during this time of crisis, we ban together and have a little more supportive attitude. If not, crowd around and risk the option to be buried when no loved ones can gather to say goodbye. geez
Let’s see…. city taxes support the trail. But only those who live there can use. Gee – sounds like a great idea to me!
Covid-19 is not bubonic plague. There is very little danger to anyone under 60. Open the damn city and let everyone gets some exercise
Exactly. Maybe these people that are out of touch with how city budget, taxes, and funds are appropriated and WHO they are intended for need to educate themselves before writing an evil unfriendly article. If they sort of want to “ make it their property” then why don’t they adopt part of the trail and help maintain it and pick up the trash!
Here in Los Angeles, all the beaches are closed, as are all the hiking trails and parks. Walking on the streets, pretty much everyone has masks and gloves and are social distancing.
It will be near 90 degrees today, but you can see how empty the Santa Monica beaches are on the live beach cam here, which takes a couple seconds to load:
https://swellmagnet.com/surf-cams/santa-monica-surf-cam-and-report/