Dallas cougars

Prepare: It’s not just bobcats and coyotes in North Texas. We’ve got a large population of cougars, too.

Everyone is abuzz with the coyote and bobcat sightings all over town, from Plano to East Dallas. These are the new most feared words in North Texas:

“You need to know that a coyote has been spotted out here tonight.”

Several house pets have been killed, and homeowners are alarmed that the coyotes are becoming, well, BOLDER:

In an academic paper for Purdue University, (Robert Timm, a University of California wildlife specialist), outlined several warning behaviors that sound like what we’ve been seeing in East Dallas in the last couple months: an increase in coyotes seen on the streets or in yards at night, coyotes killing pets and especially daytime appearances of coyotes.

Coyotes schmoyotes. Now there’s a different, more fearsome animal you’ll see much more of in North Texas: Cougars.

They are independent, strong, beautiful women of a certain age with definite luxe real estate leanings—full marble master baths with book-matched marble not only on the floors and counters, but up the wall to keep those claws sharp, and a keen (green) eye for style: it’s celadon, dammit, not teal.

Kitchen with dual sinks are a must for visiting South American pumas. Handscraped hardwoods are her floor of choice (doesn’t show scratches), and she will not sniff a house without ensuite baths and at least three powder rooms (gotta check on the sleek looks). 

Most out on the prowl are harmless, though they are crepuscular. A college student jogging in Preston Hollow after dusk was recently picked up by a PH cougar driving a black S-Class who insisted he get in her car, and let her take him home to protect him from the wild coyotes roaming the streets. He didn’t know who to fear more. He succumbed, and she dropped him at his door without a scratch.

Others, have not been so lucky, especially with the mid-cities cougars who have exhibited irrational, aggressive behaviors, such as trapping 18-year-olds.

We’ve talked to several concerned businesses and homeowners alike around DFW to find out where these cougars are most likely to be spotted, usually crouching, and gauging just how dangerous they are. (Only 20 people in North America have been killed by cougars between 1890 and 2011, including six in California.) Seeing them in the wild—like at the recently sold Waggoner Ranch—is such a thrill! We have no doubt some will soon be seen at the Crespi Estate/Walnut Place and also down at the former residence of Margaret and Trammell Crow. (Margaret is watching, you cats!)

Truth be told: their coats are to die for.

Just be careful if you’re a 20-something man with big guns. These cougars are bold, confident, devour real estate, and are dressed to kill.