Churros, Venice Beach, and a Lady Gaga Knock-Off: This California Home Has Everything

This August will mark two years since we moved our “heir and spare” to California. Our daughter has planted her roots in the land of milk and honey in a town about 15 minutes away from Venice Beach. I love Venice Beach. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, Venice Beach.

Yes, yes we are. The house featured in this week’s column is in Venice, California. I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you why I LOVE Venice Beach so much. The Gusman and I visited the area to scout out places for our daughter to live. We grabbed lunch at Ocean Front Kitchen along the Venice Beach oceanfront walk.

Working at the Ocean Front Kitchen is a woman who looks like Lady Gaga. I LOVE Lady Gaga almost as much as I LOVE Venice Beach. What a talent. I digress. In between taking food orders, the Lady Gaga knock-off grabs a microphone and says, “Hey you, come here. You pay less, we give you more.” Then she starts trash talking the food stand next door. Those people have the exact same menu. It’s glorious!

Within a quarter mile you have the beach, weightlifters at Muscle Beach, paddleball courts, the famous skatepark, and knock-off Lady Gaga trash talking the competition and selling five churros for $4. I LOVE Venice Beach! Like the real Lady Gaga, knock-off Lady Gaga always puts on a show and she never disappoints. We go see her every time we visit. It’s crazy. And that, my peoples, brings me to the house featured in this week’s column. It, too, is crazy. You see what I did there? I’m good. Lady Gaga good. I digress yet again.

I know, I know. But knock-off Lady Gaga is just a 10-minute walk from here.

The lines and angles are a lot and you will undoubtedly meet your end if you fall down those stairs onto the concrete floor. But wouldn’t it be nicer if you had a belly full of churros before you crack your coconut on that floor?

Cold and hard are the two words that come to mind when I see photos of the dining area and kitchen. It does not matter. We are strapping on our sensible walking shoes and heading to the beach. The beach and knock-off Lady Gaga fix everything. Granted, the painting at the end of the hall here is freaky but there are plenty of art galleries on the way to the beach.

If this house were located in any other state or city, I would be going to town on just about everything. But not today baby. If you don’t have any sensible shoes, then strap on some roller skates or grab a skateboard and we’re going to Venice Beach. Do you want to see the part of the house that drives me the craziest?

How in the name of everything good and holy are you supposed to put anything on those shelves? Just chunk it over the staircase, I guess.

The level of crazy on display is record-breaking. Your deck is a catwalk for this grain silo of a house. But it is perfectly fine because I would rarely be here. That’s right. I’m at the beach, listening to the waves roll in as knock-off Lady Gaga insults the competition. I think the real Lady Gaga would approve.

Okay, maybe that was a little too much. I LOVE you Lady Gaga!

Located on Grand Boulevard in Venice, California, this home is listed for $2.99 million.