Opa! This California Home Is Just Like Visiting the Greek Isles With a Sad, Lonely Man

Opa! We are going to Greece my peoples. The Mediterranean calls and we must go. There is a home there that must be seen. Opa!

What’s the matter my peoples? Why are you being so low energy? Is it because you know that I promise these great trips only to end up in Oklahoma at some tacky Greek-ish house. I would not do that to you, I promise. We are not going to Oklahoma. We are actually going to Greece-Van Nuys, California to look at a tacky Greek-ish style home. Okay, Van Nuys. We’re going to Van Nuys. At least it’s not Oklahoma.

That’s the spirit. Opa!

The curb appeal absolutely sets the mood. You’d love to tour Greece and yet you are in Van Nuys.

Opa! Welcome to Greece. You’d think the Greeks would do a better job hiding the cords to their electric lift chair. Opa!!!

Two questions: One, is that a mangled chicken on the piano? And two, is that pool table for Athens Fat? Bah dum dum. Thank you, thank you very much. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

You know what this room could use more of? Gold. I don’t think there’s enough gold, ornate, God help me. It’s a lot.

I think Zeus would like to have a word re: the mood lighting. We’re going to need a lot more ouzo. Opa!

If I had to use this sink you would see my big, old butt sprawled across the counter top and my stubby dachshund legs flailing as I tried to reach the faucet.

Nothing says Greek more than animal print all over the bedroom. I’m showing you the next photo just for the aesthetics.

You have the naked man statue on the window sill and the industrial soap/hand sanitizer dispenser that you can find at your local restaurant supply store. More ouzo!

Oh, and this is what happens when a lion skips leg day at the gym.

Okay, so this is where the house gets weird. I just heard a collective “uh-oh” ripple across town.

Please, please, please leave your most smart ass reaction in the comments. How about you entertain me for a change? But wait, this is not Nico’s only appearance.

Nico is in shape and he’s flexible.

Nico may work out and be flexible but he is no Greek god. Just sayin’. Do you think Ares God of War would sit alone at a bar or be in a hot tub by himself? It’s not even on. That’s a real hard no.

Why yes you are my little slice of cake. The house would have sold in seconds if this hottie conveyed. Anybody else need some ice water? OPA!!!

This Van Nuys, California home is listed for $1.38 million.