In This ’70s New York Home, You Can Have it Your Way (You Rule)

So I have a funny story for you my peoples. When I was about five years old my Mom and siblings went to Burger King. That would make it 1973. Now I know what you are thinking. “Mimi what in the hell? 1973?” No, no, trust me.

It’s 1973. We are at the Burger King. I get bored because really, who wants to eat a burger from Burger King? At this particular restaurant they had stools that would spin all the way around. With my crown firmly in place, I take my bored little keister over to the stool and start spinning.

I get up to a top speed of what seems like 60-70 mph, spinning on the stool, when I get the bright idea to let go. I let go! Let me tell you I went flying one way and my crown went flying the other way. 

Accurate. When my eyes stopped spinning counterclockwise and I could focus once again, I found myself sprawled out under a table. My mom asked me if I was done. And that ladies and gentlemen, explains GenX’ers. I digress.

I tell you this story because there is little doubt in my mind that the owners of the house featured in this week’s column either used to work in the very Burger King where I turned myself into a Flying Wallenda or they ended up sprawled out on the floor like yours truly.

This “Midcentury Modern” home located on the Queens Midtown Expressway in Maspeth, New York is a sight to behold. It has two bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms, and all the Burger King vibe you could want for a mere $720,000.

The flooring and tile scream ‘70s fast food restaurant. 

Hand to God this could be the table where my body landed after I went flying. The floor is just as filthy as it was in that restaurant.

The bathroom also has that “for customers only” feel right down to the splatter on the mirror.

I made you nervous when I said splatter, didn’t I? The only thing missing is the drain in the center of the floor so the water has a place to go once you are done hosing down the tile.

If Burger King had bedrooms, they would undoubtedly look like this.

I just don’t even know. I got nothing.

The description says the home is a Midcentury Modern. I found the picture that maybe, just maybe, has a touch of Midcentury Modern. Herringbone flooring, breeze blocks, okay.

Yeah, that’s it. There’s your Midcentury Modern touch. The remainder is 1973 Burger King.

Now it is time for me to grab some lunch. No, no, I’m not heading to Burger King. I may have spun off that stool when I was little but I did not bump my head hard enough to ever think of going back.

See more photos of this home located in the heart of Maspeth, New York.