Stock Up on Sunglasses and Primer Before Buying this Florida Home

Psstt, hey you. Yeah, you. I have a hot stock tip for you.

If you follow my advice on this it will rain Benji’s.

Really, I would never lead you astray. You stand on the precipice of financial freedom. Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain.

Okay, are you ready? 

Put all your money into stocks for sunglasses and primer. You are not going to find a hotter stock tip than that because an incredible amount of primer will be needed prior to any new paint going on the walls.

When I say “all your money,” I mean every dime because when the house featured in this week’s column sells, no less than a small fortune will have to be spent on sunglasses followed by primer.

The stock prices for the companies that produce both will go through the roof. 

The home is located at 26435 Notre Dame Blvd, Punta Gorda, Florida. It is listed for just under $290K and it is a steal. 

Sitting on more than half an acre, the home has 1,900 square feet, three bedrooms, and two bathrooms. The property is fenced in and there is the option to purchase the adjoining lot for $9,500 that would give you three-quarters of an acre. 

There is a catch though, but don’t worry, you are prepared. You have called your stockbroker and had him/her move your money into sunglasses and primer. 

Okay, tour time my people just put on those sunglasses before you do.

Since you are wearing your sunglasses, allow me to answer your question as opposed to you taking off your glasses and exposing your peepers to this entry and living room.

Yes, it is Pepto-Bismol pink and it is everywhere. On the walls, on the ceilings, on the wood trim, on the vent, etc. 

Let us keep going, shall we?

It is as if these folks walked into the paint store and said, “Give me a color to match the exact color of my kitchen cabinets and then change it just a smidge.”

Onto the bedrooms and bathroom.

Again, everything in these rooms is the same color, even the outlet plates. There are no accent colors or trim that makes anything pop. It is because the colors have already popped and it took your retinas with it.

Aside from not being a relaxing color, the average white porcelain in the bathroom is glaringly white. You will be seeing spots if you look at it too quickly after staring at the walls.

The only place your eyeballs get any relief is at the pool.

At least here you can take off your sunglasses while you are floating in the pool and stare at the sun. That will not do as much damage to your eyes as the colors in the house.

The sale is currently pending on this home so you will want to call your broker in the morning. Just remember where you got the stock tips from as you are sailing the world on your sunglasses and primer money.

To see more photos of this house click here.