Waterfront Lake Austin Home Is Definitely Feline Fine

If you have $5.5 million in American dollars or bitcoin, you can have this waterfront Lake Austin home that includes a shaman and a feline touch, according to the listing for the property, which is for-sale-by-owner.

And y’all, this is the fizziest FSBO that ever FSBO’d, making it a perfect option for the Wednesday WTF.

And since a picture is worth a thousand words and these pictures have captions attached, too, I can almost just sit back and let the magic happen.

And yes, there’s magic.

A few excerpts from the owner, who is moving to Florida:

“Magic is more important than location. This home has both. 6,425 sq. feet quality Lake Austin waterfront. Timeless contemporary classic built to last in 1999 for entertaining by renowned architect, civil engineer and functional artist Jauregui. Open plan with walls of windows, harmonious flow and lots of light and storage. All wood and limestone tile flooring. Granite countertops … The 2 level boat dock with large slip and partially roofed upper deck all made to match the home …This part of Bull Creek is quiet and serene. It is a no wake zone. Across the creek are views of a high bluff lined top to bottom with trees and on which sits the private estate of your nearest neighbor, billionaire philanthropist David Booth who moors his boat and has guest homes on his side of Bull Creek. Protected by large venerated oak trees, one in front and three in back with cypress trees at water’s edge The back yard features a pool and waterfall and is uniquely landscaped with a 1 ton Lord Ganesha statue from Bali and monster-sized crystals imported at great expense from Namibia in 2005. The oldest crystals in the world. To the sensitive soul the energy from these ‘wisdom crystals’ combined with the natural energy from the lake is palpable and magical. Good things happen … In the Courtyard community with its own private gated park directly off the lake. Your dog(s) will love it and make new friends.”

See y’all? Magic. Magical things. MAGIC.

But the biggest magic is of the feline persuasion, unless you’re not down with cats, then this is probably going to make you a little twitchy.

Note: These captions came with the listing, and the owner says they were meant to be humorous.

I know when you have a house in a hot market, the temptation may be to skip out on the Realtor and sell it yourself. But this listing is also a good reason why a professional is a good idea: There are hardly any photos of the actual interior of the house. It’s mostly blurry or dark photos, exterior shots, and cats.

And uh, this.

And while many still may have some difficult feelings to work through about the election, pretty much any Realtor will tell you to neutralize your home (regardless of what candidate you backed) — that is, make it as appealing as possible to a wide spectrum of buyers. This would especially hold true when your home is priced at $5.5 million and your pool of potential buyers is even smaller.

Realtors, what do you think? Is this a good reason to trust a professional to do their jobs? Sound off in the comments.

Want to see more? Head over to the listing here.