This New Jersey Home Is the Mercedes Benz of Bells and Whistles

“I’d like to do a song of great social and political import. It goes something like this:

Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
I drive a Subaru and I must make amends
Worked hard all my life, and drive an unbelievably uncomfortable car
Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?”

Okay, okay, I know what you are thinking. Those are not the exact lyrics to Janice Joplin’s “Mercedes Benz” but they are on point. The Gusman and I would give up state secrets if we were threatened with doing a road trip that lasted longer than two hours if we had to do it in our Subaru. Mercy.

This past spring, we had the opportunity to drive a 2024 Mercedes Benz during a trip to Los Angeles. It only had five miles on the odometer.

The level of luxury was nothing either one of us had ever experienced. There were shiny buttons everywhere. It took us 10 minutes to figure out how to turn it on. I dare say, it was a religious experience.

We felt all kinds of things in that Mercedes, as we spent three glorious days tooling around in luxury. There were so many bells and whistles.

The memories of that Mercedes came rushing back when I found the house featured in this week’s Wednesday WTF column.

There are pillars on the second floor of this five-bedroom, three-bathroom house. I have never seen pillars used in this way but here they are along with little statues that will never be dusted. The owners are asking $3.275 million for this nearly 5,000-square-foot home that can only be described as hoity-toity.

The kitchen is incredible.

It is all so shiny. 

I’d bet you my Subaru that this kitchen can go 0 to 80 mph in 3.2 seconds flat.

When we would walk up to the Mercedes it would sense our presence and a light in the shape of the Mercedes symbol would flash onto the ground. There is very little doubt that this fridge would do the same thing if we approached for a midnight snack.

I’m just going to let Janis take us out.

Worked hard all my life, and drive an unbelievably uncomfortable car
Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz”?

That’s it (heh, heh, heh, heh)”

See more photos of this luxurious home located in Mill Basin in New York City.