Ready to Renovate? Jon Anderson Finds the Coolest and Craziest Bathroom Fittings

Y’all got a chuckle about all those strange and interesting ovens, so let’s wander over to the bathroom and see what trouble we can get into. Before we go straight to the comedic, first, let’s have a look at the really cool stuff.

Catchpole & Rye
Great British firm that makes some incredible stuff and some OMG stuff. I stumbled upon them because I have a love of flip-top drains that are just beginning to percolate to the USA from Europe (some Victoria & Albert tubs have them). They’re so simple. The stopper just swivels open and closed. They’re so precisely engineered, that even without a rubber gasket, they don’t leak. They’re available for both tubs and sinks. Very high quality, solid brass – the bathtub drain seems to weigh a half-pound! (It’s all in the details!)

Catchpole also make this stunning shower called La Cage D’Amour that’s based on a 19^th century French original. While it looks like a simple (albeit fancy) two-headed shower, it’s so much more. See all those “ribs” and poles (not the very top one, that’s for the curtain)? They all have holes in them so water can leap out and hose you down after a little amour. And what you can’t see in the pics is that before you unleash all that water, you want to get a toe wet to test the water. They’ve thought of that with a little tap at the bottom just for the toe-test! It’s made of solid brass and coated however you’d like – polished brass, chrome, nickel, etc. Prices range from £15-18,000 or $23-25,000. That’s a lot of amour! www.catchpoleandrye.com

Dornbracht
Germans are fastidious with design. It has to be functional but also beautiful. Dornbracht is the Mercedes/BMW of German plumbing. Their customer service is without equal. When I needed different parts (metric versus imperial), they were dispatched immediately and without questioning or haggling – and this for faucets that had been discontinued for years. I love these guys.

Pictured above is their horizontal shower. It’s for people with their own water well who’d like to lay on a platform and be rained upon. Very Spa-y. Very custom. Undoubtedly very expensive. It’s one of those pieces that if you installed it and had a party, your friends would slink away to try it out. (Well, I would!)

This is my latest fantasy faucet, called Deque. Somehow I’ll score a pair of these on a “sale rack” somewhere to use in my next renovation project – whenever that may be. It’s gorgeous in its simplicity. The cylinder on the side is used to control hot/cold and on/off.   It also solves the problem of the water being too close to the back edge of the sink that is soooo prevalent in sooooo many bathroom faucets. With Deque, it projects into the sink where it’s useful. There are also multiple faucet styles available and tub fillers. I like this one because for me, single-hole faucets are the only way to go! List for this bad boy is ~$1,700 but can be found for ~$1,200. Drop the “1” and I’m there!

Dornbracht’s CL 1 is their newest line. It’s a design that appears to be tilting into the wind. Like Deque, the CL 1 water stream is made up of 40-streams of water instead of a large single stream. Not only does this look cool, but it also keeps water usage down. The CL 1 uses a miserly 1.069 gallons (Germans are precise) of water per minute – so sexy can be economical! Well … almost … the cost to acquire this beauty, like all things Dornbracht, isn’t exactly economical at $1,950. However a quick search can find it for $1,350, still not exactly Home Depot.

Remember that column where I shared my secrets for getting expensive, pretty things on the cheap? Well, Dornbracht is one of those things I scrounge for and keep hidden in boxes for years waiting like seeds to leap onto my vanity at my next renovation.

Here’s another tip. As I’ve written, some bathroom faucets don’t throw water into the center of the sink but instead it’s almost touching the back side of the sink. This annoys me that the water isn’t where I want it to be. One solution (besides looking for a better faucet) is to see if the faucet you love has a bidet model. Bidet faucets typically have a pivot-able spout. Originally intended for the varying location of your naughty bits, they’re also wonderful for having more water control in a bathroom sink faucet. (It’s insane to me that kitchen faucets have all sorts of control but bathroom models are rigid with “love it or lump it” water aim.) www.dornbracht.com

Hansgrohe
Yes, there’s Hansgrohe and Grohe. Hans Grohe opened Hansgrohe in 1901 and his son Friedrich acquired Berkenhoff & Paschedag in 1936 and renamed Grohe. The Axor Starck V (“five” not “V”) is a pretty great faucet and the latest from the company’s long collaboration with starchitect-designer Philippe Starck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odRkjwMYNkw

The vortex is reminiscent of a Dyson vacuum and certainly adds some pizazz to a bathroom. Yes, some have pointed out that a clear spout will become water-stained with minerals, but the glass spout also pops off and into the dishwasher. The faucet is available in a variety of heights (for you vessel holdouts) and finishes. And there’s even a joystick-control option! What there isn’t right now, is a US version. Seems regulators are freaking out over the water left standing in the glass (just like bottle drains). In the UK, it carries a suggested retail of £1,080 but is available for £745 including VAT ($1,150) from C.P. Hart of London. You can also squirrel one away in your luggage if you’re planning a trip. Be the first on your block to have one of these beauties. http://www.hansgrohe-int.com/22816.htm

 

 

Aquabrass
I’m on the fence with these guys. They have many wonderful designs, but in my experience, when something goes wrong, it goes WRONG. I have two Aquabrass faucets and both were problematic. One was sent in the correct box with the wrong faucet inside. Once replaced and installed, the water lines leaked and needed to be replaced. The second faucet was delivered with mismatched supply lines. I was told the one that I needed was not what they used, the wrong one (for me) was correct (for them). It was quite a battle to get a second supply line that worked. And “battle” doesn’t cover it. It was many, many calls to their US HQ in Phoenix and global HQ in Montreal.

The Onlyone, pictured above, shows some fun features. The one on the left is a very confusing faucet for first-time users. It’s not touchless, electronic, or any other obvious trick. As its owner, you get giggles watching people waving their hands under it like Endora casting a spell, trying to get the water flowing. The trick? At the base, you see there are more “ridges” than the one on the right. To turn this faucet “on” and “off” you pull/tilt the whole faucet forward and back. “Hot” and “cold” are controlled by tilting the whole faucet side-to-side. Fun comes at a price of about $600 for this model.

The model on the right shows a joystick controller that’s available on many Aquabrass models. It creates a clean, more interesting look while still preserving the single-mixer aesthetic that I personally like. Forward/back is on/off while temperature is side-to-side. It’s another type of “coolness.” Street prices are around $450; less than the tilt model, but it’s that much less cool. www.aquabrass.com

Lefroy Brooks
Brits Lefroy Brooks offer a lot of traditional English designs, but then there’s 1950 Belle Aire – the one design I’d go against my single-mixer faucet rule for. How freaking cool is this? (I know, I know, too geeky for the ladies – tough noogies! It’s COOOOL.) Obviously based on 1950s science fiction spaceships, it’s a really fun product line that includes tub fillers, sinks and bathtubs. All very atomic-age retro.

Notice the detail on the hot/cold controls with the red and blue bands? Note: Bidets are largely the purview of the ladies and I can imagine seeing a rocket aimed at your girly-parts may be disconcerting. The price of this awesomeness? About $1,700 (though I saw them on eBay for ~$1,400 a couple of years ago – still too rich for my blood). www.lefroybrooks.com

 

Glass Faucet
The company name is the same as the product they’re offering. I’ve never used them and never seen one in person, but jeez, don’t they look nifty!? They’re available in many colors and can even be customized into whatever curlicue you’d like … which at $2,000 a pop, they should be. www.glassfaucet.com

 

Philip Watts Design
Called Pale-Ale, I love this urinal as much as one could love a urinal without a therapist or the police being involved. It’s a real galvanized or stainless steel bucket resting on the plinth of your choice – seen here in Oak, stainless steel and manufactured quartz. I think for a cabin installation or the right restaurant, it would be a hoot … definitely a conversation piece. Best thing of all is the minimum of water it uses. Prices range from £480.00 for the Oak to £795.00 for the stainless steel. (That’s $750-$1,242 to you and me) If you’re not in the market for a urinal, they also do some fabulous door handles, peep holes and handrails. http://www.philipwattsdesign.com

 

Time for some Cra-Craaaaaaazy

Catchpole & Rye
No one’s perfect and Catchpole has a few things that are mildly Ooo-la-la for me. If you’re visiting Harrods, you can order one of these tasteful tubs. Dipped in thousands of Swarovski crystals, this is a tub fit for a Russian Oligarch’s mistress or a rap video. The price, as they say, is available on request – which is a nice way of saying that if you’re even aware of what anything costs, you can’t afford it.

For the man about town (or toilet) who needs to flush like a king, here’s the Throne toilet seat. Yes, it’s just the seat, the toilet is up to you (and apparently it fits most bog-standard bogs). For £2,500, it’s definitely … wait for it … wait for it … a royal flush!

White Mermaid Princess Art Toilet
What do you do if a Throne isn’t your style?  No space for a urinal, but you ladies still want your man to stop leaving the seat up? Well, this beauty of a toilet will keep your man seated – likely as much backward as forward! 🙂 And this potty isn’t just another pretty … ummm … face, it’s a 1.6 gallon flush with a soft close seat. The, perhaps over-exuberant, copywriter says, “its styling fits most bathroom decors” and that “this toilet stands the test of time” (if you have a stopwatch maybe!). This little mermaid will set you back $599 or $419.30 if you buy six! Available from Renovator’s Supply.

TwoDaLoo
Was this ever real? It sure got a lot of press in 2007, but no one admitted installing one and I can’t find anyone selling this today, but it’s sure worth a gander. Note to all you helicopter parents: Don’t let those kiddies out of your sight! Apparently it was high-tech, too, with an iPod docking station and an add-on for an LCD television. Apparently it cost $1,400 and lord knows how you’d plumb for it.

Toto Otohime (Sound Princess)
Japanese women are mortally afraid of making a sound while in the bathroom. In years past, they continually flushed the toilet to mask any sound. The Japanese government figured out this was wasting trillions of gallons of water a year so they had (more industrial) Sound Princesses installed in public toilets that played a variety of sounds – including the sound of a flushing toilet. If you’re not giggling enough, they’re also called Toyotama-hime (“Lady Bountiful Soul”) which having only the male experience, I can’t say as I’d describe that toxic cloud as Gentleman Beautiful Soul (Soul of Satan … perhaps). Traveling? Not to worry, they now make Keitai Otohime (Mobile Princesses) that fit on a keychain (above).

Speakman Optimus SE-1000
Have you opened the wrong door to witness your parents having … (shivers) … sex? How about walking along a beach and happened upon a group of aging naturists? This nifty faucet is just for you! Originally intended for victims of accidental chemical exposure, it’ll do double duty for washing frightening images from your eyes. With 66 “full-coverage” sprays, it’ll clean your psyche but good! For just $239, it’s cheaper than a therapist! Add a little soap and your kids will never swear again!

 

Remember: Do you have an HOA story to tell? A little high-rise history? Realtors, want to feature a listing in need of renovation or one that’s complete with flying colors? How about hosting a Candy’s Dirt Staff Meeting? Shoot Jon an email. Marriage proposals accepted (now that they’re legal)! [email protected]